Intimidated by Imposter Syndrome
In my time as a freelance writer, I have had plenty of conversations with other women and with other female business owners. I’ve interviewed strong, gorgeous women with large followings (even an Emmy award-winner) and have, I admit, felt intimidated by their presence. A topic that tends to come up more often than not is that of “imposter syndrome,” of feeling like you don’t belong somewhere even if you’ve proved and everyone else has told you that you do. Some of these strong women whom I dug my nails into my palm to keep my cool around were telling me that they did or still do feel incompetent in what they’ve achieved.
With International Women’s Day landing on the calendar once again, I’ve chosen this topic to talk about because it kind of goes hand in hand with feminism and “girl power” - something many of us may have been told are inappropriate or too political. By being told by other women (and, yes, men) that we’re not supposed to believe in feminism, our draw to “girl power” in the 80s and 90s has simply vanished. Instead, quite a few of us are still intimidated by other women becoming powerful and refuse to allow ourselves to reach that dream too - because someone else already got to it first. Bah.
It’s 2021, 100 years past the year women began to be given the right to vote. It was plenty more than that before Canada recognized Indigenous or any other ethnicity of women as being eligible to listen to politicians speak and be able to make a sound decision.
It’s 2021 and 90% of the C-level roles in the businesses that surround us are held by men.
It’s 20-friggen-21 and only 43 of the 538 named Executive Officers in Canada are women. That’s down from 53 in 2019.
Why are so many of us being made to believe that another woman has already made it to the top so we have to step down and settle for something less than our dream when hundreds of men are taking leadership spots without worrying that the same role in the building next door is another man? Or so it seems. In reality, men can and do feel imposter syndrome just as often as women. From what I have seen, however, there isn’t this well-believed idea that it’s harder for men to become leaders than women.
For many, it is just an “idea” or a “fairy-tale” that there is still a gap between how women and men are treated. There can be so many facts and statistics that show that women are still being expected to stay home and take care of kids and still be assumed to be less qualified for a leadership role (not only because they have kids but because they’re a woman), yet I have been told so often that feminism and wanting men and women to be equal are not the same thing because women and men are already equal and by offering help and support to women to help bridge the gap that is still there, we are being sexist and not feminist.
“Three quarters (75.8%) of part-time workers in Canada are women. The top reason women gave for working part-time was a need to care for children. Only 3.3% of men who work part-time cite the same reason.”
We are all Queen Bees
Queen Bees are a myth. Women don’t become leaders and then decide that they don’t want to support other women; they don’t put on a crown and make sure they don’t support any other woman on the job because it might put their own job in jeopardy. Somehow women “cat-fighting”, when they get into disagreements, has become a dysfunctional part of the workplace while men arguing is seen as a healthy method of coming up with solid alliances. Being held at a stereotype of being too emotional, etc. has caused women to shy away from supporting their peers and take on more masculine traits in order to protect their leadership.
Here’s what we need to do. Instead of chastising another woman who has fought well and hard to make it to the top, let’s applaud her and think “I’m next,” because odds are she wants us to be.
Stop being intimidated by imposter syndrome. Stop having such a high level and understanding of what it means to be successful or competent and just set tiny goals and achieve them with your chin up while pulling your fellow women up with you.
If you’re told that women are already completely equal to men and feminism is no longer relevant, laugh it off and keep kicking butt.
If you’re told men are intimidated by you. Don’t you for one second think that you need to step down off your own thrown to let a man take your place.
How to Defeat Imposter Syndrome as Professional Woman
Learn to recognize when you’re feeling inadequate and why. As a self-employed woman, I have surrounded myself with other business owners and often felt like they belonged there more than me. I’d be friendly and supportive and mean it with all my heart but still have those moments of weakness where I thought “I hope they fail just a little so I have a better chance” or “they must think I am so stupid for wanting to play in their league.”
Once I learned to recognize these feelings, I could have a conversation with myself and say “No, you belong here and so does she - this is a big city and an even bigger world and there’s enough for everyone to be successful at what they do.” Honestly, just by pulling someone up with us, doesn’t stop us from moving too.Surround yourself with mentors and strong women who make you want to achieve your goals. I am so lucky to have so many women in my life that I can call mentors and an organization of women that has my back, gives me advice and often refers me to other women who I can help and vice-versa, but also holds me accountable for my dreams. I know that if I don’t reach them, they’ll still be supportive, however, I want to get there so I can show them that I do have what it takes. Prove them right.
Don’t be afraid to pave the way. When I decided to step away from a secure job as a law clerk and follow my love of writing full-time, I did have others who told me I shouldn’t because I am a single mom or I needed to make sure I saved enough money first, etc. etc. In fact, it was other women who told me this. Instead of falling in line with what other women were doing or how they did it, I decided to do it my way and pave the way myself. Just because there are no other women in the room, doesn’t mean you can’t get in there and own the shit out of it.
What do you think? Have you felt imposter syndrome in your line of work? I’d love to have a conversation with you.